Why you should buy lobster from a shirtless fisherman and boil them in a beer keg

During a recent trip to Cape Breton Island, I was reminded of what a true lobster experience entails. In a previous “Nova Scotia Lobster” post, I simplified things,  left out key steps like the shirtless fisherman and the beer keg that make a “Cape Breton Lobster Experience” unique.

All lobster is not created equal, but sometimes when you’re desperate for a crustacean fix you buy some lobsters from Sobeys where they cook them in their fancy-dancy steamer. You complain about the price, but you buy them anyway. You enjoy them, but something is missing. You add salt. That makes it better, but still it is not the lobster of your childhood.

Of course, your mother, who is a culinary genius, turns the leftovers into something mind-blowingly decadent, a Yarmouth style hot-lobster sandwich which is really nothing more than butter,cream and lobster, but heck, what else do you need? (Note: buried under that mound of decadence is a piece of toasted French bread.)

But then you are presented with a wonderful opportunity to eat Lobster like a pro. Your cousin John offers to give you the full-monty of lobster experiences. A trip to Main-a-dieu to buy lobsters straight off the docks from his friend, Kevin, the shirtless fisherman.

You arrive at his house and jump in his truck—a big truck that makes you feel all warm and lobsterish inside. Since your cousin looks like a healthier, happier version of “Breaking Bad’s” Heisenberg, you hope the bed of the truck is stacked with cash. (You will needs lots of this to pay for the lobster. The shirtless fisherman is nice, but he’s not that nice.

As you make your way to the quaint fishing village, Cape Breton scenery surrounds you like a warm blanket and you talk about childhood stories like the time your cousin got his tongue stuck on a frozen railing over-looking Ungle-Bungle Jungle or the time he shoved a pea so far up his nose it had to be surgically removed.

You remember with great fondness the medicine your grandfather used to keep in a brown paper bag safely stowed under the seat of his old red GMC. You remember how you’d ride around in the bed of that truck on an old car bench, the Cape Breton highlands a back drop to your imminent death. Other not so warm and fuzzy family stories you decide to save for your therapist…

When you arrive at the quaint fishing village of  Main-a-dieu, you flashback to the beach, running barefoot under the light of a giant moon catching smelts at low tide, their silver backs flashing like treasure. And when you open the door, you flashback to the cold. Main-a-dieu is one chilly place! But alas, the sun is shining so you get out and experience the time-honoured tradition of lobster day—Cape Breton Style.

These are the steps to a perfect lobster experience:

1. Step one is to pick your beer up the day before so it has time to chill
2. Tell your lobster fisherman friend to set aside X dozen lobster for you. That way he’ll keep them in a cage under the water for a night where they’re unable to feed and will therefore be less yucky inside. If you don’t have a shirtless lobster fisherman friend, then, oh well. If you know one who wears a shirt, try him, but they’ll be no guarantees.
3. Drive to quaint fishing village in a truck.
   

   Scenic Fishing Village

Harvest 5 gallons or so of sea water using a bucket tied to a string. Put it in a cooler in the back of your truck.

1. When you don’t see your lobster fisherman friend at the dock, you take a short drive to his house
2. At his house, brace yourself for his shirtlessness. If you’re not expecting it, it can be a bit jarring, but he doesn’t seem to give a shit in the least.
3. Giggle
4. Pay for the lobster (preferably with from the stash of cash in the back of the cab)making sure your pretty Canadian money doesn’t blow away in the cool Atlantic breeze requiring the shirtless fisherman to chase after it.
5. Drive home.
6. Take out your custom made beer-keg turned lobster boiler.
   

   Keg Turned Lobster cooker

7. Open a beer for yourself and your guests.
8. Bring about 5 gal. of sea water to a boil and add 1/2 box of salt. Double salt if using fresh water.
   

   into the keg

9. Remove rubber bans from claws and put lobster in head first (this kills them instantly). No need to be cruel.
   

   Removing the bands

10. Bring water back to a boil then reduce heat for low boil. Cook about 15 mins. for a 1 1\2 lobs. 18-20 mins for 2 1\2 to 3 pounds each. (NOTE: This is for about 1 1/2 doz. lobsters so water and salt should be adjusted.)
11. Remove and place ice cold water to cool at least 5 mins.
    

    Lobster on ice

12. Set up a table and chairs in your garage, change out of your fancy shirt and eat (If you are lucky, your cousin will have the skill of a Samori and will crack the claws in one clean sweep at your command.)

These are the juiciest lobsters known to man.

Tips & Tricks from the professionals

• never over crowd lobsters in pot as this allows them rolled around several times during the cook
• another trick is to pick up a lobster by one of its feelers and shake hand lightly if it drops off  it’s a good indicator that the critter is done.
• Always store lobster on their backs this holds the juice in the shell