Stupid Simple Bermuda Corn

When you have a food blog you take pictures of everything you make with the grandiose notion of writing witty blogs to accompany each of the many recipes. Other times you take pictures of your friend’s food—delicious things like Karen’s mind-blowing profiteroles (perfect with bubbly) or Steve’s creamy vodka-laced Puttanesca or Michele’s Amazing Kahula Tort. Inspired by their culinary skill, you snap pictures like the paparazzi. The morning after you check your photos and Karen’s profiteroles look like Mount Vesuvius after an eruption, Steve’s Puttanesca somehow resembles Lasagna and Michele’s Torte is a testament to the amount Kahula in the recipe. You have failed to represent the wonderful dishes you clearly remember eating. If they invite you again, you will make your husband take the photos, but for now these dishes will remain blogless.

Other times you make dishes, like Stupid Simple Corn at the beginning of Bermuda’s luscious corn season, when the corn is as sweet and tender as a baby’s butt.  Even though your photos are great, you become distracted, the pictures buried in the gallery of your trusty Samsung. You frolick about doing summer things and spend time blogging about seafood and airlines and other vacation tidbits while the whole island is devouring corn without your ingenious stupid recipe. They are probably eating it straight off the cob!

Bermuda Corn on the Cob

When you finally sit to write the blog, you realize you never took a picture of the finished product, so you go to the grocery store to whip up some more for dinner, but alas, the store is cornless. You could wait until Saturday and see if the trusty local farmers (suspiciously named Amaral’s Farms) have some stashed away at their stand, but you have been bitten by the blog bug and can wait no longer—the corn eating public can wait no longer.

You hope against hope that buried in someone’s kitchen is a bag of fresh Bermuda corn. Luckily your millions of off-island followers can use this same recipe to make Stupid Canadian corn or Stupid American Corn, which is easier to get, but it’s hard to believe it could be as stupidly delicious as ours. But you can try.

RECIPE

Stupid Simple Bermuda Corn

• RE-mortage your home and take the money to the grocery store or directly to Amaral’s Vegetable Stand (no relation—honestly) to buy a bag of home-grown Bermudian corn. (Worth every penny)
• Shuck (that’s a great word) the corn
• Stand the cob up on one end and using a big knife cut the kernels off the cobb. If any fall on the floor, pick them up and wash them off as each kernel costs approximately 5 cents. Pop a few clean ones in your mouth and appreciate the sweetness.
• Chop 1/4 to 1/2 of a red onion into small pieces (don’t put it in a food processor as it will get all mushy). Use as much or as little as you like, but don’t leave it out.
• Chuck 3-4 tablespoons of butter into a pan (depending upon how many ears you’re using) and sauté these ingredients for about 3 minutes, maybe less. Bermuda corn is sweet and tender and doesn’t require much cooking.
• Add some Coarse Kosher Salt to taste (love that stuff, but you can use regular salt if you don’t have any) and serve in a dish if you’re trying to be fancy. Try not to eat it all before your guests or your spouse or partner or kids arrive, because corn from the can won’t cut it.

Eating the corn this way ultimately requires less butter than the 3 pounds you normally slather onto each cob and makes far less mess, both in your kitchen and in your teeth.